What do you do when you lose your phone? Look where you last had it. Do the same thing when you lose your sense of self, your joy, and your purpose.
It’s been almost a month since my last blog post. I’ll refer to it as the “dark post.” Since then, I’ve moved to another apartment in Chicago, which I can say is truly a surprise. And a blessing. A surprise blessing. I just re-read the dark post. It’s funny, because while I was venting about my dreams not coming true, this dream has, and I didn’t even realize it was happening.
I’ve always wanted to live in a place by the water, a place I could make my own, with enough space to work and relax. Right now, I’m steps away from the beach. I’ve HGTV’d the interior to my liking (thanks to my gracious owners and roommate & a Hobby Lobby super sale!). And, I have my own room, office, voice over studio, bathroom, and garage.
I’m not the bragging type, but I can’t help but boast about how much God gives you when you ask. Just 29 days ago, all I could focus on was what I didn’t have. And being stuck in the middle. And wanting to feel unstuck.
I asked to get out of it. But... maybe the eye of the storm is just where I needed to be. According to Max Lucado in God Will Help You, he says:
“Storms prompt us to take unprecedented journeys.”
The storm I was in stripped me of my happiness and hope. If I could describe my feeling by color, it would be black. I was so focused on my future, but what I needed was to take a moment to look back.
What do you do when you lose your phone? Look where you last had it. Do the same thing when you lose your sense of self, your joy, and your purpose.*
I know my purpose revolves around being creative. I am happiest when I am creating - writing, acting, performing, and let’s add home decorating to the list.
When I’m stagnant, I get frustrated, depressed, and oftentimes, resentful.
One of my absolute favorite devotionals to read is Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. It’s written in Jesus’s voice, as if He’s sending us a handwritten note or text message every day. Just before I started writing this post, I read this:
“When things don’t go as you would like, accept the situation immediately. If you indulge in feelings of regret, they can easily spill over the line into resentment. Remember that I am sovereign over your circumstances, and humble yourself under My mighty hand. Rejoice in what I am doing in your life, even though it is beyond your understanding.”
A month ago, I didn’t understand that I was about to be launched into a new (and completely unexpected) chapter of my life.
This move forced me in a different place, physically and mentally. I am no longer stuck in the middle. I climbed out of the pit and moved past the hump, simply by saying “yes” to an opportunity, a second chance that presented itself at just the right time.
Career-wise, not much has changed. I’m still striving for the same goals I bolded and bullet pointed in the dark post.
But the reach feels different on the other side.
“Our second-chance life is not the one just out of reach; it’s the one right in front of us. It’s the one God has been calling us to all along.”
-Jay Wolf, co-author with Katherine Wolf of Suffer Strong
I feel renewed. I feel hopeful again.
I don’t remember writing this, but just three days after the dark post, I journaled, in my own #JesusCalling style:
“You are not purposeless. You are knee-deep in your purpose, and now comes the fun part - getting out of the mud! I will help you.”
Word.
He definitely came through.
And I am so thankful. For everything.
The next time I’m feeling stuck in the middle of a dark, muddy pit, I will remind myself that I am just knee-deep in purpose and that a (dare I say, fun?) change is coming!
A change is coming for you, too. Just hold on.
*quote inspired by All Things New by John Eldredge